Today the girls and I are going to Flagstaff for a visit with their Dadaji and Naniji. The girls are so excited and Suky is already wearing her hat, mittens, and snow boots (and we aren't leaving for a few hours still.) I am grateful for family, for the joy and excitement of children, and for the many tools and practices I have that help me stay connected with the truth of my heart. I am grateful that when I ask for help, it comes. I am grateful that we are blessed by so many good people and so many sweet moments.
Life has been teaching me a lot lately. There is much opportunity to watch my reactions and emotional weather, to experience it all, to reflect on life, and to invite change in myself where needed. In fact, I feel like divorce is one of the most powerful and concentrated experiences for personal growth that I have experienced. It is incredibly painful sometimes but I cannot deny that the process has been transformational already.
One of the big lessons I have become more clear on is that I don't have to take things personally. That is a logical concept but it isn't always easy to live it. It is amazing to watch how many painful reactions spring out of the fear that what is happening somehow means that I am unlovable or I suck or whatever the mental chatter happens to be. The divorce process gives me lots of opportunity to explore that one! It can feel like a really enormous rejection. But what I am finally grasping is that it really isn't about me.
Sometimes life is hard and we all have our journeys. We see life through the lens of our own individual mind. And we do what we can with whatever our experience is. It is so freeing and healing to let go of the belief that another person's choices means something about my worth. Letting that go dissipates so much fear and allows me to be more neutral about their choices. And it allows me to be more in love, which is the state I want to be in.
So that's a start and I am really, really grateful for every bit of letting go.
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