Pirate Mama & Sea Princess

Heading to a friend's treasure hunt birthday party

Obstacles

Yesterday Satvinder was outside scootering and I brought the baby out. Satvinder said, "Oh yay! An obstacle! That will make things more fun." Adding in something unexpected to work with/around makes it more exciting if you are a kid. Wouldn't it be great if we could keep that attitude up as we got older? What if we all said "Yay" when life thew in an obstacle?

Fun with obstacles #1

Fun with obstacles #2

Fun with obstacles #3

And some other pics:

Sukhjot loves playing outside. It fills her with delight. She gets very excited about the rocks in our yard but she is quite fond of grass too. I am reminded, by watching her, how babies and children, in general, teach us to see the world as new. Seeing her wonder and amazement at birds, for example, makes me see how interesting birds really are. The world is full of so many interesting things - made even more so when you look at them as if you are seeing them for the first time. (Or you watch someone who is actually seeing them for the first time.)

Satvinder, even at the early age of 7, tends to get weighed down by life sometimes. She has a new goal now: do something silly and fun every day. She likes tasks - funny that now that she has this as an "assignment", she is doing it. And smiling a lot more.

On another note, something I think is worth sharing: With two gamers in the family, I found this Ted Talk about how Gaming Can Make a Better World really interesting. It discusses how the unique skills developed by gaming can be utilized to "save the world" - the real world, not just the virtual game worlds. Gaming is often viewed negatively and it is something I've struggled to make peace with in my own home. This talk gave some really creative perspective and I love when people accept what is and make something great out of it. If you are a gamer or you love someone who is, check it out!

Oh, Goodness.

Sukhjot just said, "I love you" for the first time. And who did she say it to? Her sister! Those girls melt me.

This

Oh, hi there. We are doing better. We are still maintaining self-imposed isolation, avoiding contact with the rampant sickness that still circulates out there, while we are healing in here. But we are much better and gratefully so.

Life is crazy right now, isn't it? At least, it seems like it is not just me. It seems like it is everywhere. The unraveling. I have been re-reading the book When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron and man, it is a good book. Not an easy read, for sure. It hits all the places we usually try to avoid and ignore. But some time, I suppose, we all have to stop running and just face what is there, like it or not. When life falls apart, it is a prime opportunity to feel the rawness and grit and honesty of human experience and not be seduced by the illusion of security.

Breathing in. Breathing out. Right now. This is it. And it is enough.

Today Satvinder was amusing the baby by drawing pictures and letters to her - mostly saying things like "Cutie!" and "I love you!" with illustrations of a curly haired baby. Sukhjot liked it very much.

And here is Sukhjot expressing that she would like me to give her the camera lens cover. Now.

ooze

A little less than two weeks ago we made the decision to sell our house. Arriving at that decision was a difficult, pressure-filled process for a variety of reasons that I won't go into here. It is enough to just say it was hard. But we felt a relief of pressure when we finally accepted the situation (and terrible housing market in Phoenix) and began to take steps towards that end. It reminded me of when my ear drum ruptured one time - the pressure building up to it was intense beyond words. But once it finally popped open, there was mess and ooze but, at least, it felt better.

We had one week to clear things out with a yard sale. After that, there would be three days to get our house in condition for showing to prospective buyers. Satvinder was still home sick most of the week I was preparing for the yard sale. The day she finally went back to school, Sukhjot got a high fever again. The night before the yard sale was a rough one for the baby and there was not much sleeping. Mangala Sadhu Sangeet and I were starting to get more sick again too. I tried to ignore it. I pushed through the yard sale. We cleared out a lot and just kept going. That night, we were all exhausted. But yet again, sleep was not meant to be. Satvinder woke up with a stomach virus. Three changes of bed sheets later, she fell asleep just in time for the baby to wake up crying and not feeling well.

The next day I needed to start getting the house ready for putting it on the market. And I began that process, moving furniture around, washing walls, etc. Then the fever took hold. A big fever. Suddenly all I could do was abandon the house in total disarray and go shiver in bed with my aching body and hallucinate about white tigers. Satvinder came in saying she was hungry and then the baby woke up from her nap and was crying. And I couldn't move - not a bit. I couldn't do anything - couldn't take care of myself, couldn't take care of my kids.

My husband was miserably ill too - but since he could move his body and as far as I know, he didn't see any white tigers, he took the kids. And he called a friend, who came and helped us when we could not help ourselves. She cared for the kids and fed everybody and helped me bring the fever down. I don't know what we would have done without her.

And so the days have gone this week - again in survival mode, just getting through it as best we can. As someone who hates to ask for help, these last two months (and this last week especially) have been humbling for me. Life has turned to chaos on so many levels - financially, health-wise, and regarding the illusion of stability that is associated with a person's home. Every way I look, there is the lesson to just be in acceptance of what is, even when it is uncomfortable and not something I want to feel. Surrender, resistance, peaceful acceptance, resentment, gratitude, fury - I'm moving through it all.

For now, the house selling is on hold until we are feeling more healthy. Everything beyond the selling of the house is a big question mark. I'm okay with not knowing how or when any of it will fall into place.

Right now my priority list looks like this:
1. Get self and family well
2. Everything else

Succulent

At the Desert Botanical Gardens yesterday:

Satvinder on plants: "I don't have feelings for them the way I do for animals. They don't even have noses or paws. But some are kind of neat - some are like 11 year old girls with spiked hair and some are like the kind of baby that Sukhjot used to be - all floppy and just laying there."

OH. And then...

sometimes she is just a little lamb. Our friend, Liz, gifted us with this amazing hat.

In other news, Satvinder is sick again. None of us are totally well yet but Satvinder is back to miserable and with a high fever. Whatever this is...man, it is persistent.

Kind of a "funny" note: Months ago I wrote about how every time we try to get pictures done of our family, something happens and we have to cancel. I've been trying to get nice pictures since I was pregnant with Sukhjot. Well, it got so ridiculous that I stopped trying to schedule photo shoots for a while and now, months later I finally decided to give it a try again. Our next attempt was scheduled for tomorrow...which, of course, has now been canceled due to Satvinder's sickness.

Anyhow...sending prayers of health and healing to you, to us, to everyone.

The Phase

Maybe it is something that happens to all one year olds as they encounter the frustration of wanting to do more than their development allows. Or it might be that she is holding a grudge about the whole being sick thing, as if we betrayed her by allowing the mean sickness to take hold of her. Perhaps it is her way of dealing with the transition our family is going through (we're looking into our options for moving, among other things.) Whatever it is...Sukhjot has developed another side. A louder side. A demanding side. A side that wants to be held but absolutely does not want to be held. And nothing you do is right and you will pay.

She is still full of sweetness and darling curls and snuggles and love. And her little, mischief grin will make you smile every time. And she's a joker. And instead of words, she prefers sounds with inflections that are just adorable and charming. Oh, squish. She's just yummy!

But sometimes. Sometimes she is a little bit of a bear! Satvinder drew the following picture of the transformation that takes place: smiling curly haired baby (top left) changes into...

Beware!

Hello, February!

January was a rough month and I'm not sad to see it gone. We started the month with Sukhjot having a 5 day stomach virus and the rest of us in various states of not-quite-well and sleep deprivation. The not-quite-well hopped from person to person in different degrees all month until our grand finale: the flu for every family member. (And for me - functioning with the flu on very little sleep.)

We are crawling out from it now, thank God. One thing that struck me in this experience was how healing kindness can be. We were feeling very alone and overwhelmed and stuck in a kind of dark survival mode, just getting through it all.

Some friends stepped up to bring us food - hearty, lovely foods that fed us well when we really needed it. I think the foods were healing but I also think the kind intent was very healing. Just to know someone cares is a huge boost for healing. It was for me, anyway. I felt better every time kindness came our way.

So I want to remember that. Kindness is not a small thing. In this case, it fed way more than just our bellies.

The recliner came in handy - The baby and I spent a few nights in it, keeping her somewhat upright so she could breathe easier.