A Use for Everything

Satvinder learned how to crochet this week and got busy crocheting a chain that was ridiculously long.  Turns out it came in handy...

Yellow

The Palo Verde trees are in full bloom all around the neighborhood.  With recent winds, the ground is now covered in the yellow blossoms too.  This is the tree and ground in our front yard:

Yellow daisies on our table, in honor of Grandma Hart (who loved daisies and had a fondness for yellow) and the Hart family:

As a matter of fact

Me: Are you ready to go to school now?
Sukhjot: No.  I'm playing with mucus.
Me: Oh.  Well, you can do that at school.

Motherhood is full of conversations that you never would have imagined you'd have - before having kids.

Giving Thanks for Grandma Hart

"Kindness is an essential part of every female. As your kindness expands, prosperity grows." - Yogi Bhajan

Grandma Hart, who passed today, was an example of exactly that kindness.  It radiated from her - expanding, expanding and touching all around her.  I wrote something for her yesterday.  While she did not receive it personally, I trust that all the love and appreciation that was coming to her from near and far was felt on some level as she moved into the next existence.  I share it with you here as some small expression of how she touched me - though as mentioned, it doesn't adequately describe.

Dear Grandma Hart,
From the moment I met you, you welcomed me and embraced me in the family you created.  I cannot tell you how much it meant to me that you took me in as one of your own.  I hardly even knew my husband when we got married but you were warm, loving, and inclusive to me right away.  

On the eve of our wedding, you gifted me with a carved wooden angel that has always been one of my favorite treasures because it reminds me of you and the way that you love.  It is smiling and peaceful and its arms are stretched wide like a hug.You told me one time that since all of my grandparents were gone, you and Grandpa Hart would be my grandparents.  And that is how I have felt.  Even with not seeing you in person very often, I feel you in my heart, as a presence in my life and the lives of our children.  It has been a huge blessing for me - to have gained the Hart family, the family that grew out of your love. It gives me comfort to know that our children are part of that legacy.

When I see you or read your words, I am always struck by the kindness with which you communicate.  There are not many people that speak with such an open heart, honesty, compassion, and faith. So many times I have been deeply touched by your appreciation of differences in people, the way of honoring humanity and our abilities to overcome challenges.  You don't back away.  You embrace and you love.  And that is something I cherish about you.  I don't usually save many letters I receive (we don't have much storage space) but I have saved yours because they touch me every time and I come back to them and re-read them - just to feel the love and sweetness of you again.  

Thank you for being a powerful inspiration - a graceful, beautiful, courageous mother and woman.  I hold you in my heart forever. I wish I had better words to tell you what I want to say  - words actually feel inadequate. But I hope you feel it.  My prayers, love and gratitude are with you.

Love,
Kewal

A day like today

Today has been a strange day.  It passed in a weird haze of mixed emotion.  We got good news that Mangala has been offered an employee position at the company he's been working for the last few months. Satvinder came home sick from school and numerous people I know are going through strange, challenging things.  And then the big thing that is happening that is hard and full of emotion - is that someone we love is dying.

I don't know what I want to say about it all right now.  Some things it is hard to find words for.  Like telling someone what their life has meant to you. Or the intricate blending of ups and downs, profound and mundane, death and rebirth that unfolds in a day like today.

Forts

We are going on three days of having most of our chairs occupied as a fort structure.  Since the girls are loving their fort and I kind of miss having chairs at the dinner table, I have been looking for some inspiration for some sort of fort-like thingie we might enjoy as a permanent addition to the house.

I loved making forts as a kid.  We had some fantastic giant pillows that were great for stacking up.  Sometimes we overlapped lots of umbrellas and used that as a fort in a rainstorm.  It seems like such a simple thing but I remember it being cozy and exciting and it felt like, for that time, there was a special place all our own.

So looking ahead to something more lasting, I'm thinking something pretty like this: Valentine Fort. Satvinder likes having something more enclosed and private, though, so we'll have to modify.  That's a good starting place and visual, in any case.

In my searching I've found some other fun inspirations related to forts and hiding nooks and thought I'd share in case anyone else might make use of them:
Several DIY Indoor Fort Ideas
Secret Forts Indoors
Pretty Fort with Lights

Phoenix is a hot place

It hit 100 degrees here today.  It has brought home the reality that Phoenix summer is approaching.  It already feels too hot to do anything and it is not even actually hot yet.  Not by Phoenix standards anyway.

It has led me to wonder how no one has come up with a sustainable "kiddie pool" option.  I really dislike the plastic and waste of the typical kiddie pools and we've never had one last past one summer.  In searching for some other option the only thing I found was this: a dumpster converted into a small pool.  A very creative idea - I like that people are thinking up stuff like that.  But what about something more accessible? If anyone has ideas or suggestions, I'd love to hear.

Mostly, though, I just want to run away to the beach.  I know, these are such first world problems: "oh whine, it is too hot for me to sit here in my air conditioned house."  It sounds a little bit ridiculous.  But it is part of my current reality: what to do with bored, restless children (and self) when it is too hot to go outside?  It is something that in seven years of living in Phoenix, I have not quite ever figured out.  The heat becomes oppressive, overwhelming, and...miserable.

Some people just adapt and keep going.  I know people who hike and play outside when it is 120 degrees.  On the other hand, I know several people who become very depressed and can't do much at all.  I suppose it is the same in locations that have intense, house-bound winters.

Yeah, I guess that's all I've got today: just some ramblings about the heat.

Oh no.

I have finally started using Pinterest.  How does it suck you in like that?  What kind of voodoo have I stumbled upon?

More about Suky these days

If you are, by chance, wondering why Suky's shirt is bulging out around her waist in this picture, then I'll tell you: it was because she was wearing one of my bras.  She insisted and was quite pleased with the look.

Other things she likes:
- Goggles (as stated previously)
- Pretending to be a dog or a cat or a dog-cat.  Or a lion, monkey, hippo...how does one pretend to be a hippo?  In this case, it mostly involves announcing,"I am hippo."  But being the other animals involves sounds, walking on all fours, and licking.  Lots of licking.
- Donkey sounds, but only while nursing.  It is not just that the noises she makes while nursing sound like a donkey.  No, it is very intentional braying like a donkey.  While nursing.  For some reason.
- Playing ball.  The count is three, four, six...go!  Got it?
- Fool.  She goes to "fool" three mornings a week and loves loves loves it.  Most people know it as "school"  but whatever, she likes it a lot.
- Putting a leash on anything or anyone and dragging them around as her puppy.  Plastic lizard is a puppy.  Her sister is a puppy.  You could be her puppy if you want.  Or if you don't.  Either way.

In other Suky news, Whooping Cough sucks.  It's been four months and she still has it.  It turns out it can just hang around  for a few months after the initial nasty weeks subside.  And then if a sickness (cold, allergies, anything) takes hold in the respiratory system, the Whooping Cough gets rears its ugly head again.  That's been happening increasingly with Suky for a few weeks now.  Back to coughing until she can't breathe and/or vomits.  But it is not as bad as before.  And she's handling it well - doing really fine aside from the unpleasant coughing fits.  She's a jolly little thing, this one.

Goggles are Versatile

I never knew how fun goggles could be until I met Sukhjot.  Sure, I have appreciated them for swimming under water but Sukhjot has brought goggle wearing to a whole other level.  They are pretty much her favorite accessory.   She gets many admiring glances when she wears them out in public - which happens often. She wears them, as one would expect, on her head.  But she also wiggles her body into them and wears the goggles as a belt.  And slung casually from the arm, goggles can also be a purse.  Or so I'm told.  By Sukhjot.

 What?

Maybe some day I'll tell you something but for now...

I missed posting yesterday for a very good reason.  I was unexpectedly gifted with free childcare from a friend so that Mangala and I could go see a movie!  Heck yeah!  So there were some things I didn't get to yesterday but instead I got a movie and dinner out.

Speaking of getting it all done, I just read this blog post: Let's All Compare Our Perfect Lives, Then Try to Enjoy Our Day.  And as the perfection of life would have it, even as I have been sitting here trying to gather some thoughts to share on that topic, Sukhjot is insisting that I get off the computer, stop trying to "get things done" and just be with her.  So that's what I'm going to do.

Vaisakhi in Phoenix

Today was the celebration of Vaisakhi, which includes nagar kirtan (a procession through the neighborhood.)  Mangala was doing gatka (a Sikh martial art.)  Here are some pictures:

It was a zoo...and then we went to one.

I had so many kids at my house today that I filled the dishwasher just from feeding them lunch.  Then we met up with more friends and went to the zoo.  It was a fun day.

Follow up:
The marinated veggies were yum.
So far in the positive feedback book: I wrote some things that I appreciated about Satvinder.  She wrote a request that when I appreciate her, I write more neatly.

Beets are Yummy

I don't know where the days go.  Here it is bedtime again already so I'm gong to be brief.

One of my joys today was prepping vegetables.  Usually that's not such a fun thing for me but sometimes when I have a particularly inspiring recipe to try or something fresh and exciting from the farmers market, I get into it.  Today I got into it because of this: Marinated Vegetables with Mustard Dill Dressing.

It won't be ready until tomorrow.  But it is already pretty fantastic.

Writing it down

We're about to try out something new.  It seems like a good idea so I figured I would share it.  Satvinder often has a hard time accepting positive feedback about herself.  She deflects it or squirms away or gets busy doing something else rather than listening and taking it in.  I often have this struggle myself so I understand it.

Because of this, it was suggested that we start a feedback journal where we can write notes to each other, appreciating things that might be better received in writing rather than spoken.  We've been working with a family therapist for a year or so now and this was one of her recent ideas for us.  I think it is great.  

One of the things I plan to write to her is about something she did the other night that meant a lot to me.  I was having a rough day - I can't remember why.  But I was tired and emotional and easily frustrated.  Just before bed Satvinder came up to me and wrapped her arms around me, giving me a big hug.  She said, "I'm sorry you've had a hard day, Mama."  It felt like the sweetest thing someone could do for me - and was especially touching coming from her.  Instead of  being frustrated or emotional herself (which would have been totally reasonable given that she was dealing with a grouchy mother), there she was giving me comfort.

I hope that in writing it out, she will hear my thanks.

The Arcade Video

This story is making the rounds but I wanted to share it in case anyone missed it.  It is so precious and touching - I sat here sobbing and laughing as I watched it.  This kid is fantastic and the whole story just really touches the heart. Take a few minutes and watch it!

Caine's Arcade

Talking about India

This is a really excellent video about Miri Piri Academy (in Amritsar, India) and the unique experience that the kids from all over the world are getting there. The kids that come out of this school have always blown me away.  This video has really inspired Satvinder.  Since she saw it, she won't stop talking about it and asking when she can go to MPA.  That's a big question.

My first visit to the school was when I went to India in 2000.  The kids there had a strength and stability that really struck me.  I spent a few days with them over their Spring Break - kind of on accident because the people I was traveling with unexpectedly ditched me out in the country.  That's another story, I suppose.  In any case, I ended up hanging out with the school for a few days and I wished with all my heart that I could stay and work there.  At the time, I was one of the owners of the yoga centers in Austin and I had a life and responsibilities to get back to.  It wasn't something I could pursue for myself.  And in six months I was married anyways - and off onto that life.

I don't have an answer for Satvinder right now but we are having some good conversations about it.  My husband went to a previous incarnation of the school when he was a kid and has his own experience to share.  It has changed a lot since his time there.

Us

Thanks to www.kimblakephotography.com for the photo.

Hunting the Egg Shaped Felt Pouches

Treats

Satvinder has been asking me for days."Do you have the eggs ready yet?" and "You know you have to put stuff in them right?" She seems concerned that I might not remember - even though I have actually managed to remember every year of her life.  Rest assured, I've got eggs (or at least egg shaped felt pouches) and they have stuff in them.  And we kind of invited ourselves over to our neighbor's house for afternoon swimming - so we'll even have something to do once the kids are all sugared up.

Holidays always make me wish we had family closer.  I wish that plenty of other times too - but I really attach holidays to family time.  No matter if I tell myself otherwise, I have the belief that holidays are supposed to be with family and involve a meal together.  We've been in Arizona for over seven years now and most of our holidays have not been with family (beyond the 4 of us) or fit the image I have in my head.  I am trying to broaden my beliefs around it and be more open to creating our own traditions.  I am trying, in general, to open myself to connecting with more people in life and to expand the concept of family to include community and friends to fit that need for relationship.

Being an introvert, that's a challenge.  I often think I need to have some excuse to reach out to people and it takes a lot of stretching to try to form a new relationship.  This is one of the ways I am choosing to push beyond my comfort zone.

Random Pencil Drawing

Satvinder had the day off from school today so she and I had some time together - just us. I asked her what she wanted to do - I figured she'd want to go out somewhere.  But she thought it over and in the end, she decided that what she wanted to do was draw a picture together.  And not just any picture.Ours was to be done in pencil and with random placement of random things.  And no people.  So that's what we did.  Here's what we ended up with:

The art of dressing

Sukhjot has been learning to dress herself.  She is so very pleased when she gets something on all by herself.  In this case, though, she was not all that pleased because she put the jacket on upside down.  That's the hood there on her bum.

And also it is hot in Phoenix already so we don't really need jackets anymore.

Keep trying, Suky!

It's that time of day.

First there is this:
5:00 pm.
Sukhjot is tired and cranky, yelling and crying.  She wants to be held and she wants to dance to Party Rock and she wants to take her plastic lizard on a leash for a walk.  Satvinder is home from school, asking me why I can't be a "normal mom" who provides her with milk and cookies every day after school.  The house is officially trashed - toys and game pieces and bags and books all over the floor.  I need to make dinner.  All the stuff I didn't get done today is hanging over me.  I am exhausted.

Then there is this:

Breathe it in, Mama.  Breathe it in.

2 drops mixed with a little bit of almond oil and I'm slathering this stuff on, sucking it up like air in my nostrils.

It's 5:00 pm.

Moments Today

Sukhjot:
Sitting at the table eating lunch, a song comes on in the next room.  She hops up from the table and says, "I dancing!  Be right back!"  And off she goes...

Satvinder:
Some friends are having a party with live music.  The musician finishes his set and I bring Satvinder with me to buy some music downloads from him.  She doesn't have to say anything.  All she has to do is stand there.  Afterwards she says, "That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to do in my life!"

Flying and Flowing

Today I offer you one of my favorite youtube videos.  I love this particular combo of song and visual.  I love the song and I love the video individually but together...they slay me.   It just gets me right in the heart.  I watch this one over and over. (It is best viewed full screen.)

Playing the Fool

Happy April Fool's day.  We don't usually do April Fool's pranks on each other but something got into me today and this morning Satvinder and I did a few silly jokes.  The best one was using a rubber band to hold the spray nozzle of our kitchen sink into the on position.  It got our intended target, Mangala, good but it was even more funny because after setting it up, I promptly forgot and I turned it on myself and got soaked. So I even managed to April fool myself today.

We've got a pirate themed birthday party we'll be going to in a bit so Satvinder is all pirated-up and asking every few minutes if it is time to go yet.

Here's a picture of her in her pirate garb (we just used stuff we already had on hand so it is pretty simple.)

 And here's one of Suky playing in the sun: