Home is Where the Heat is

It is good to be home - even if it is really hot. And it IS really hot. We are still unpacking, as you can see...

Haiku for the Moon

Oh Moon. Reflection.

Just seeing you makes me ask

all the big questions.

Bugs Love City Folk

Our ventures into nature often remind me of a Chevy Chase movie - kind of ridiculous. But we keep trying. Today we went to Red Mountain, which is an interesting landscape and hike. It was beautiful. And then we got attacked by bugs. Weird, tiny, black bugs that, at first, I mistook for specks of dirt. But the specks swarmed my children and started biting them all over their little heads. We quickly put as much distance as we could between us and those bugs, while simultaneously pulling bug after blood-sucking bug off the children. Satvinder cried for the whole hike back to the car (1.5 miles.) We were all glad to get back to civilization, wash off the dirt and bugs, and go out to eat. City people, we are.

 

Pretty view, huh?

The cliffs were quite beautiful.

Pitaji and Sukhjot - before the tiny girl got her head devoured

Satvinder: when she still felt it was an ok place

There were some fun climbing opportunities, which Monkey 1 and Monkey 2 went for.

And there we are post bugs...hair down, dirty, crying. Ah, good times.

Hey

This is Hey, Satvinder's fish, that we brought with us to Flagstaff. Today I put him in a glass of water while I washed out the bowl we brought him in. Guess how many times I reached for the glass and  almost accidentally drank him?

Three.

Pinky and Pip Tongue Twister

Pinky the pixie
and Pipsie the pixsie
don't live in Poughkeepsie


Can you say it three times, fast? We were having fun with this one last night at dinner.

Other Blog Posts: June 16-20

Here are some of my other Spirit Voyage blog posts from recent days:

Dear Fathers...Thank You

Mantra Chanting: The Basics

Mantra Chanting: Considering Pronunciation

P.P.P.

 

Billowing clouds of smoke from another nearby fire: We are still on standby for evacuation due to a nearby fire that started yesterday (seems to be under control from what I've read) and then today this one started.

Satvinder and I planned a surprise for Father's Day - Satvinder called it "P.P.P." so that Mangala Sadhu Sangeet Singh wouldn't know what we were talking about. It stands for "Pitaji's Picnic Party", which was basically going to a park to have a picnic. Surprise!

Satvinder on a dino
Sukhjot had her first real experience with swings and thought it was a win - especially since her big sister was right there doing it too.

Lava River Cave

Today's adventure: Lava River Cave. Stepping into this cave, it is pretty amazing to feel the temp instantly drop 30 degrees. You can walk inside the cave for about a mile. The baby and I stayed out near the entrance most of the time but Mangala Sadhu Sangeet Singh and Satvinder explored further in to the darkness.

 

Near the cave entrance

Satvinder just inside the entrance to the cave

Notice the ice near Mangala Sadhu Sangeet Singh's feet

Baby

A little cave near the bigger cave

Family pic on the trail to the cave (Satvinder was doing some sort of robot dance.)

Beaver Creek

We're spending some time in Flagstaff right now and on the way up here, we stopped at Beaver Creek. Why did we do that? Apparently, so that we could terrorize the six year old with crawdads and freaky bugs. There was much shrieking. But she had fun too...I think.

We had some kind of shoe "thing" going on.  One of Satvinder's shoes got washed away in the creek current (more shrieking) and while we never found her shoe, Mangala Sadhu Sangeet did find another shoe that the creek had eaten.  Then we drove off with me feeling like I was forgetting something...which was, of course, my own shoes.

These Kids

Have you seen this blog post by the six year old?  It cracks me up.  I didn't even believe that she had written it herself. 

Me: You didn't write that!
6 year old: Yes I did.
Me: That's not even how you phrase things. You don't say things like that. Did Pitaji help you?
6 year old: No. I did it.
Me: But you even emphasized words selectively. You didn't write that.
6 year old: Yes, I did.
Me: No way.
6 year old walks away, giving up on me.

So I asked her father if he helped her. And it turns out it was all her. That fiery little animal activist post was all her. She's SIX! Man, she's intense.

Oh,and guess who is making new sounds such as MAMAMAMA? Oh yeah, this one knows how to make a mama smile.

And one more link to share, here's my latest blog post for Spirit Voyage that went up today: You Can Breathe - Even When You're Busy. Yeah. It is true. You can. I've tried it myself.

Fathers, Thumbs, and a Praying Mantis

I've been thinking lately about fathers. Satvinder and Sukhjot have a good one and I am really grateful for that. I wrote a little piece about fathers today - it will be up later this week on the Spirit Voyage blog that I am now writing some stuff for. Speaking of which, my first post there went up yesterday. You can view it at: Staying Sane in a Sea of Change

Satvinder and her Pitaji have a variety of games they play - often involving flipping and tumbling and climbing. Last night they played "thumb wars" - which Satvinder considers correctly played only when she wins. Sukhjot enjoys watching their games.

I found this praying mantis on our fence gate today. I enjoyed the visual of it sitting in the swirl with the sky as its background. Life is beautiful.

Themes

Recently I have started writing more - mostly because it is a compulsion but also because I'm actually taking on some writing work. This is something I've been projecting for and have known the time was coming. I am finding that this shift is arriving at just precisely the right moment to fit in seamlessly with one of the big themes in my life these days: Letting go of my fears around what other people think of me (also known as "Kewal, you really are getting too old for that nonsense.")

So the hair situation, obviously, has been a big process of letting go (in oh, so many ways.) There are those who congratulate and embrace me and feel excited for my changes. And there are those who are so opposed to my choices that they prefer to close the door our relationship. And while I, of course, have emotions to process from those responses (from the sweet smiling tears to the acceptance and mourning of an end), I am learning to find it all enjoyable. Did I just say enjoyable? Hmm. Well, if not always enjoyable, it is at least interesting. Like a ballet, there are the fiercely emotive movements and the soft, lofting dances. There is the romance and the drama. There is the laughter and the death. It is a story unfolding and all the different pieces are important and valid.

And I find myself working my way through it as I face my writing too. All these years, I have held back because I couldn't feel ready to put myself "out there" (wherever that is.) I have that initial fear of what people will think, if they will agree or disagree, if they will find it helpful and worthwhile or if they will think it is utterly useless garbage.

I talked with my husband about this yesterday. He said, "Not everybody is going to like your writing." (Note: Don't go to my husband for pep talks. Go to him for reality checks.) He reminded me that it is about expression and we are most free in our creativity when we let go of the fear. He said, "Just do it because it is what you do."

For me, that says it perfectly. We all dance our roles in this wacky ballet. We all just do what we do. We like it, we hate it. We resist and we flow. It is an amazing and unexpected gift in all of this, that I am finally dropping my old agendas of people pleasing and waiting for validation. Now I am finally learning to release that tight grip and soften into the realization that I just have to be me. And then I can, with honesty and openness, let you be you.

This Child Wants You to Laugh at Her

Tonight Satvinder entertained us by dancing around and singing "I'm a rock star!" while wearing goggles and a hat and a necklace on the hat and a bow on the hat and...she just kept adding random stuff to try to get more laughs. It kind of progressed from getting laughs to getting raised eyebrows and "Huh?" expressions. That's our girl.

The Pinks

I had to take this picture because Satvinder's nails matched Sukhjot's diaper. And because...dang, they are sweet.

Satvinder started Art Camp today so she wanted to have some *fancy* nails for that special occasion.

Tooths

This one is trying to get teeth in. Sukhjot gums everything she can get into her little mouth.


This one is losing teeth. Satvinder lost another tooth last night - the second one up top, giving her the big gap.

Here's a video we took last night after Satvinder lost the tooth: Tooth Video

Untidy

Sometimes you have to leave home for bit in order to appreciate it. I feel like that is kind of what has happened with me - some aspects of leaving home, but in the process it is making me really love and honor home in a deeper way. I don't know if anybody cares to read more about all this but it feels really profound to me so I have to write about it.

In all the time I struggled with the consideration of cutting my hair, I had many fears but there were two opposite fears that I want to mention here. I was afraid that after cutting my hair and losing that visible identification of being a Sikh, that I would no longer feel like a Sikh. This was deeply depressing for many reasons. Simultaneously, I was afraid that I would still feel like I was a Sikh even though I would not be recognized as one. This scared me because I like to sort and identify and have things fit in my sorted, identified categories. My concept of self often has relied heavily on fitting into something I can identify and say "I am that."

Naturally, after the big event, I found that what was in my heart was still in my heart. I feel as much a Sikh as I ever have. In fact, by letting go of (for the most part) the duality I had developed about the hair and turban, I have reawakened much of what was kind of sitting dormant in me recently. So much was wrapped up in my self judgment that there wasn't room for much else.

I feel like I recognize now, more than ever, the benefits of the practices. I may be choosing not to make use of some of the things, but I believe in the purpose and know that, for those who choose them, they are good things. I think I've taught Satvinder more about the benefits of hair since I cut my own than I taught her in all years previous of holding a hard line of "we don't do cut hair." And she seems more receptive to it now that instead of being attached to an outcome, I am just sharing a technology with her. I want my children to learn it all. If it helps support a peaceful, balanced human life, of course, I want them to know it.

In truth, I don't really know many people who maintain all of the practices. I guess we all hold to what we can, finding our way. And those neatly labeled boxes that I've tried to put people in...they just don't even exist. Taking myself out of my own box has been incredibly painful and has me squirming around awkwardly. But I think it is, ultimately, a good thing for me to just be. Not be "something". Just be.

6 Months

Today marks 6 months since the birth of the baby: 6 months of life on the outside for Sukhjot, 6 months of big sisterhood for Satvinder. They have both changed and grown so much in this half year.

6 months of amazement, laughter, joy, exhaustion, bliss, challenge, and through it all, gratitude. They make me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Satvinder reading a book about jokes and funny stuff called "What's so funny?" Sukhjot sitting in one of her favorite spots - on top of the table, where she can get a good view of whoever is at the table and whatever they might be doing.
The baby can sit for long stretches now and likes to play with toys, especially if they are chew-friendly. Satvinder has been set up with a laptop at the table and is on it a lot. Send her an email!