I am experiencing something I have not been through before and it is bringing with it, a whole new paradigm for my life. I am going through a divorce and by the grace of God, it is opening my heart.
There is a common image of what divorce looks like and feels like. And for me, I am certainly having a lot of the emotion and pain that fits with that image. However, there is something so hugely expansive that is evolving too. I am seeing the blessing of these events...the gifts of what is before me. It may appear undesirable, but I am opening my eyes and seeing what a treasured, perfect, love-filled gift is offered.
Sometimes people say, "Well, it was an arranged marriage. What did you expect would happen?" as if it would be a recipe for perceived "success" if we had met in a bar or something more Western! I actually delight in this question because I now see that I have received exactly what I hoped to get. I wanted a marriage that would grow me spiritually and that would bring me closer to God. The process definitely has been different that what I imagined (I am, after all, a girl who grew up on the cheesy romance of 80's movies) but wow - check it OUT - this spiritual growth is what I wanted.
Sometimes when I cling especially hard to the fantasy of what I thought I needed, the pain gets really intense. In fact, there are times that I don't know how I will get through it (and then I just do.) But mostly - there is a peaceful acceptance. And a gratitude...a smiling gratitude, that somehow we came together and something happened. Satvinder happened. And grace happened. I thank Mangala Sadhu Sangeet Singh again and again - sometimes out loud, mostly silently. Thank you for playing this role. Thank you for the pressure and the reflection that makes me grow. Thank you for doing what you do and being who you are - so I am now forced to face myself, my love of life, and learning to see with new eyes. It is perfect and I am so grateful. You are me and I am you. And I, disguised as "you", have given myself such a beautifully divine gift.
This is my process with divorce, a new experience. Whahe Guru.
5 comments:
Sat Nam. I wish you much peace in this process. I'm here if you need anything. You are a beautiful soul.
you are in such a good space at the moment. I see you growing in so many ways...I know there might be moments when you don't feel like this but you can fake it and you will make it....I know you are a wonderful person and you are doing REALLY WELL. Keep up and you will be kept up.
after the fist 40 days, I think you will be in a REALLY REALLY good space.
breath...drink lots of water and rescue remedy
breathe...forgot the e
we should all remember to breathe
Isn't it always the fantasies we cling to that cause us the most pain?
My heart is with you, MSS, and Satvinder while you find you footing in this new experience.
Ia m a bit late reading this!
You truly are amazing in your gratitude and I am continuously inspired by your perspective on the challenges that we all face when we are growing.
I am so looking forward to our solstice trip and basking in your light!
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